Ziwei Dou Shu Tells You: Why Can't You Say "No" in Life
Overconfidence
This might be the most amusing reason for not being able to refuse. Because of an overestimation of their own abilities, they easily agree to others' requests, and in the end, they often have to spend too much energy to complete them. These people are often praised for being loyal, and they also see themselves that way. However, when others do not treat them the same, they often cannot accept it. But after all, wasn't it you who kept taking things on yourself?
Common Major Stars: The Seven Kill Star, the Broken Army Star, the Integrity Star, the Greedy Wolf Star
Face/Pride
In Chinese culture, "face" holds an important position, even serving as an unspoken rule for the functioning of Chinese society. An excessive focus on face actually stems from an overly strong sense of self-esteem. In their minds, other people's evaluations are very important to whether they are successful or not. Therefore, in interpersonal relationships, they want to gain others' favor and positive feedback to satisfy their own sense of achievement.
Common Major Stars: The Purple Micro Star, the Heavenly Palace Star, the Martial Star, the Minister Star
Need for Recognition
The need for recognition mainly refers to relying on others' recognition. On the surface, it may seem similar to the previous point of "face," but there is an essential difference. The factor of "face" ultimately aims to please oneself, while the need for recognition is to please others. These people often spend a lot of time and energy doing things that are not so important, just to make others think they are a "good person." Therefore, when others ask them for something, they can't refuse at all.
Common Major Stars: The Sun Star, the Gate of Mouth Star, the Gate of Mouth Star
Low Self-Identity
It forms two extremes with the people of "overconfidence." Some people have a very low sense of self-identity and cannot see their own strengths. In their mind, only by being generous and loving will they receive the blessings of fate and the kindness of others. Therefore, they cannot refuse others' requests.
Common Major Stars: The Moon Star, the Heaven's Support Star, the Heavenly Harmony Star
If you are also troubled by not being able to refuse, it is recommended that you try improving from these aspects:
- Psychological aspect: Accept yourself. Be able to see your strengths and also your weaknesses. Only then can you develop a healthy sense of self-identity and not care too much about others' opinions of you.
- Technique aspect: The technique of saying "no." For example, first acknowledge and then refuse.
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